Saying, "be confident" will not make you confident

Disclaimer:

This post is not a replacement for professional help. If you or someone you know is suffering from mental health issues, don't hesitate to contact your local medical professional.

One of the most difficult personal struggles I faced in my life was my battle with depression. It started at the beginning of high school and progressed until college. I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time and taking antidepressants to deal with it. After roughly a year or so of seeing them, I was deemed no longer having depression. However, things did not get better afterward. I was still dealing with confidence issues; hobbies that used to be fun were no longer fun. It was a tough time for me as high school, in my experience, was one of the most toxic and brutal places to be in, insults that mold and shape you 7 hours a day, five days a week.

Why not just be confident?

It's a harmless phrase to most, but "becoming confident" is not as easy as it seems. An analogy taken from the book Psycho-Cybernetics is that compliments or words of support on a person with inconfidence can be like putting a bandaid over a severe flesh wound. Whenever someone tries to cheer us, we've wired our subconscious to brush off or reject such compliments. We have rooted our belief in only seeing the bad and any good as flukes or not genuine. This subconscious thinking is so deeply rooted that it's become automatic, but living on default settings has caused pain and suffering. So if we want to change ourselves to be confident, we need to address the root of our problem and reprogram our minds.

But how do we do that?

For me, I won't say it was easy by any means, but after seven years of trial and error, I've compiled a list of ideas to help you get back on your feet.

Pair Down Your Life

I'm going being frank; the world can be very harsh. Even amongst friends, teasing and banter can take a toll on one's mental state, and a deteriorating mind can lead to anger, frustration, and sadness. On top of this, social media can be an amplifier, telling you what you should and should not; obeying societal norms can allow you to fit in but robs you of your individuality and self-image.

I noticed I was absorbing a lot of toxicity from my friends and Instagram, so I decided to step away from it for an entire month. In that time, I wanted to reflect on myself, thoughts that I allowed to plague me, and fix them. I'm more intentional with my usage these days, so I have been spending less time there as it no longer makes me happy.

You don't need to be a hermit and leave for a month. Here is what I suggest:

Spend the weekend alone to yourself, no social media, games or anything of that sort. Have a journal handy and write down thoughts you have been having. If there are unwanted thoughts, identify where you have picked it up and think how I can deal

with this? If certain people or topics don't make you happy, perhaps it is time to leave them behind. The important thing here is decluttering your mind for mental clarity. After the weekend has passed, keep the journal around and write down things that continue to bother you. Repeat this for a month.

Quiet your mind

Changing your environment by removing distractions and improving physical health are crucial steps. But these are stepping stones to what will change your mental health; meditation. I have always struggled with a noisy brain that will not quiet down. The thoughts are intrusive and are generally very depressing. I am constantly thinking all day, even when I try to sleep. We can start changing those intrusive thoughts with meditation and improve our confidence.

What's the difference between telling yourself to be confident from before?

Before, we were distracted from the world around us, taking in every little comment and criticism. And every time we try to put in a positive, we would be faced with twice as much negative. Now that we have removed these distractions, our subconscious no longer has people telling us what we can and cannot be. We can now change our subconscious to who we want to become with this quiet time.

Don't take it from me, though; take it from Master Oogway.

So how can you start?

• Make a routine to when you will meditate.

• Write down a list of things that you notice hold you back (fear anxiety)

• Imagine how you would want to behave(confident, hardworking, etc.)

• Use guided meditation
  

Some guided meditation places I would suggest is to look on Youtube, but I highly recommend Headspace as it was what I used to get out of my mental stagnation.

Get help

If you still feel you need direction in your life, getting professional help is something I would recommend. While all are generally well-trained and equipped to help you, they each have different methods and styles that suit other people better. If you are unsure about getting a therapist due to costs, I highly suggest HealthyGamer.gg to start.

They have videos on YouTube, live streams on Twitch, and wiki articles about topics such as depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome at no cost to you. HealthyGamer is a resource I wish I had growing up in high school as it talks deeply about topics I wished I had learned from my psychiatrist. I frequently go back to the streams or read more on their wiki page about them. Here is one of the first videos I watched:

They also have paid guides coaching for you to keep at affordable prices, starting at around $20 and $30 USD, respectively.

I also highly recommend reading this book called Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz.

The book catapulted my self-confidence exponentially and has helped me live a happy life. The book helped to reframe some toxic mindsets I've had about myself. I learned how to rebuild myself from the ground up and become the person I have always wanted to be. I am

by no means perfect, but I am many times better than what I was a couple of years. I will admit that the book is a little dated with references and concepts and can come up a bit preachy. However, I still think there is much value in the core ideas and exercises to practice the newfound knowledge.

Check the book here: https://amzn.to/3gKJQYL

I hope you got value out of it, and thank you for reading.